Teachers can skive too
by Morwen Naerdiel
Summary: Umbridge has held a meeting for some members of the staff and they are only too enthusistic...to get away that is.


'I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter

**Shhhh everyone! She's coming!'**

'**Are you sure Minerva?'**

'**Of course I am. Who else do we know grunts like a stupid troll trying to figure out the answer to a simple sum?'**

'**Good point'**

'**Does this mean we have to tolerate another one of her boring meetings?'**

'**Especially when she talks to us as though we're all little children'**

'**I hate that!'**

'**Never fear my dears. I have a cunning plan!'**

'**A cunning plan?'**

'**Yes. A plan so cunning that it's been to the University of Cunning, Studied a master degree in cunning and after graduating has become an expert of cunning'**

'**That cunning eh my dear'**

'**Absolutely'**

'**well what is it? Spit it out!'**

**Minerva spits out her gum with a scowl and Severus raises one eyebrow with a slightly disgusted expression on his face**

'**I meant your plan. Not your gum'**

'**Oh. My bad snivels'**

'**DON'T CALL ME THAT!'**

'**Alright, keep your wig on. I purpose we, how do they say it? Ah yes, we "pull a sickie"**

'**She won't fall for it unless she sees blood and vomit'**

'**And that is exactly what she'll get. Introducing confiscated item number six million, seven thousand, two hundred and seventy-eight, from the weasley items room, the Skiving snack box"**

"**Is it safe?"**

"**I think so. Hmmm there are all sorts in here. Who wants a well I do believe they are called Pucking Pastilles?"**

"**I guess I could be persuaded to take it"**

"**Good boy Severus"**

"**Please don't patronise me"**

"**Would you prefer me to call you snivels?"**

"**ARGH! Just give me the thing!"**

"**Hmmmm Rolanda what would you like?"**

"**I quite like the sound of the fever fudge"**

"**And I shall have the nosebleed Nougat. Is everyone in positions?"**

"**My... inner... eye... hic... tells ...me...hic...that... THUD"**

"**My inner eye is telling me that she's had way too much to drink"**

"**My inner nose is telling me that"**

"**Poor Sybill, breathing in all those heavy fumes. Not good for her"**

"_**Hem, Hem. Good Morning boys and girls"**_

"_**Morning"**_

"_**Please, take a seat"**_

_**They sit down putting the sweets in their mouths. Umbridge takes a seat on the throne like chair. As soon as she sits on the plump cushion, a loud farting noise comes from it causing everyone to snigger and Umbridge to go a bright red colour**_

_**Hem, Hem. Stop laughing or you're all on PROBATION!"**_

"_**Who...Farted...hicIt...Wasn't...me hic was...it?"**_

"_**What have we here? Have we been drinking?"**_

"_**Well we all drink"**_

"_**Really now. Hmmmm the minister will be interested to hear that the teachers drink"**_

"_**The students do too. In fact we insist upon it"**_

"_**You insist the students drink? Well we will definitely have to change that!"**_

"_**But professor everyone needs to drink. You would kill everyone if you banned drinking!"**_

"_**Rolanda, I do not permit students or teachers to poses alcohol"**_

"_**We weren't on about alcohol you idiot"**_

"_**Minerva, what did you call me?"**_

"_**I called you a very lovely woman"**_

"_**Hmmmm, you are treading on thin ice Minerva"**_

"_**That's no way to talk about your carpet"**_

"_**GRRRR I wasn't on about the carpet!"**_

"_**Urrm headmistress, can I be excused; I think I'm going to be..."**_

_**Severus stands up to rush to the toilet but doesn't quite make it and ends up vomiting all over Umbridge's pink suit. She squeals and jumps to her feet**_

"_**Dolores, may I go to the hospital wing I'm...feeling...quite...feverish"**_

"_**Oh my gosh. My I have permission to go to the ladies I'm afraid I have a bit of a nosebleed"**_

_**Minerva stands next to Umbridge and allows some blood to go onto the suit**_

"_**EEEEK!"**_

_**Umbridge jumps onto her chair to try to avoid all of the fowl substances**_

"_**You were all fine a minute ago! What happened?"**_

"_**It's...the...illness...Sybill suffered with it...first"**_

"_**ILLNESS! What illness?"**_

"_**I...think...it's...called...Umbridgeitus"**_

"_**Umbridgeitus, of course, GO, please sort it out"**_

_**All the teachers leave, while Umbridge is left standing on her throne. Once outside the door they consume the antidote sweet and are soon back to themselves**_

"_**Minerva, how did you obtain that box?"**_

"_**Yeah, those twins never leave them about"**_

"_**Well, I had a terrible headache one day and I felt slightly feverish and I made the mistake of going up to the Weasley twins and asking if they had anything for a fever, so they gave me a sweet, and guess what"**_

"_**It was fever fudge wasn't it?"**_

"_**Correct Rolanda, I ended up feeling quite sick and shouting at them at the same time, so after they had given me the antidote, I confiscated it as part of my compensation and on the agreement that I would not inform their mother"**_

"_**We should confiscate them more often"**_

"_**I agree with you for once snivels"**_

"_**HEY!"**_

_**They walk off down the corridor while Umbridge is in the room still stood on the throne**_

"_**Umbridgeitus. I must develop a vaccine for...hey wait a second, UMBRIDGEITUS! YOU'RE ON PROBATION!"**_


End file.
